It is called Objectum Sexuality (OS), the love affair between a human and an inanimate object. They are called Objectophiles, people who are in love with an object. This is not just a simple fascination with a structure, or a love like you love your favorite sweater or a new pair of shoes. This is a full-on romantic and intimate relationship between a person and a bridge, a fence, a plane, or like the case of Erika Eiffel, the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

It sounds so silly, but there are actually people who are “in love” with objects or structures. 37-year-old professional archer and trained martial artist, Erika, “married” the Eiffel Tower in a commitment ceremony in 2007. She even legally changed her name to reflect the bond she’s made with the tower. I now present to you, Mrs. Erika Eiffel, wife of the Eiffel Tower.

The OS term was first coined by Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, a 54-year-old woman who has been “married” to the Berlin Wall for 29 years.There are 40 self-proclaimed objectum-sexuals worldwide.

I do have to agree, the Eiffel Tower would be the perfect husband…tall, dark and handsome; the silent type; and always erect.

Michelle Obama is proving to be the most un-couth first lady ever. Not only does she dare to bare her arms at congressional addresses, but she breaks royal protocol by–gasp–touching the Queen of England. During the presidential trip to the motherland, Mrs. Obama lovingly puts her arm around her majesty.

And a hush falls over the crowd.

For centuries, courtiers have warned visitors, “do not touch the Queen.” Public displays of affection are not commonplace at Buckingham Palace. Some Brits are outraged at the first lady’s seemed disrespect. It’s true, her royal highness made the first move, but Perhaps Mrs. Obama lingered a little too long, the Queen pulls away almost immediately.

Award-winning actor Joaquin Phoenix announced last October that he was ditching acting to embark on a new career….rapping. That’s right, Joaquin Phoenix claims to have a hankering for making rap music. His first concert took place in January in a Vegas night club.

Amidst rumors of a hoax, Phoenix maintains that he is actually putting himself out there, risking outright rejection, to pursue what he wants to do: “I have to be true to myself,” he said.

Conflicting comments, from a source working closely with the wannabe rapper,  say the entire thing is an elaborate Andy Kaufman-style hoax aided by his friend and brother-in-law Casey Affleck. Affleck is apparently shooting a documentary about his career transition.

“He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it,’” the source said of Joaquin.

Well Joaquin, good luck with whatever it is you’re trying to do. Rapping or hoaxing, he isn’t succeeding at either.

The model and former Bachelor contestant has decided to sue over her infamous fall in October of 2007. Sarah Welch worked a fashion show at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood over a year ago and took a nasty spill into the Mondrian pool just below the stage. The hole in the runway was created by an earlier performance by Shaolin monks. During the demonstration, one of the monks did a front flip and landed a little too hard, breaking the runway.

“I had no idea that there was a hole there. It was almost like falling through ice. I was trying to get out and I remember there were pieces breaking around me and I couldn’t,” she told Inside Edition in 2007.

The lawsuit, filed in Santa Monica earlier this month, is directed toward several companies involved with the fashion show. Welch claims she suffered “great injuries to her body, shock and injuries to her nervous system” after the fall. Welch is suing for negligence and is seeking unspecified damages.

Ironically, Sarah wasn’t so devastated by the fall when it happened. When questioned about the video of her fall being viewed by millions, she told KABC-TV, “It is just a really funny mishap, I hope they’re enjoying watching it just as much as I am!”

The lawsuit is bogus. You can’t sue over a bruised ego!

Just a reminder to all you animal lovers out there: Your pets do not think any of these Halloween shenanigans are funny.  Dogs and cats are already dressed up in fur; so when you wrap them in more stuff, its really just annoying to them.  Since you are not going to listen to me and dress them up anyway, be sure to give them plenty of water before taking them trick or treating or going to a party.  Any animal “outfit” should be a little snug but NOT tight.  Bringing along some little treats may not hurt either because around nine o’ clock, man’s best friend isn’t going to care that little Jane hasn’t been to enough houses yet.  He will just want to go home, get that silly costume off, and lick himself until he falls asleep.  In a related story, here is a picture of my new iphone.

It appears we are a little late on this item as it was bigger news last week… But if you hadn’t heard…

You are looking at a picture of a giant spider that caught a full grown bird.  Before you freak out, this is somewhere in Australia so don’t run out and buy a shotgun just yet.  Apparently this bird flew into this spiders web and ended up becoming breakfast, lunch, and dinner for at least a couple days.  The spider is frickin’ huge and I am just going to end this post because it creeps me out.

Ok well, not really!  But it is a very cool Halloween decoration.  in the spirit of the season, we found this website called ExtremePumpkins.com that has a contest every year for the best designs of the season.  They also have tips and tricks for carving, as well some video tutorials.  The guy who runs this site, Tom (no not the FaceBook one), has published a couple books, been on Regis, MTV, the Travel Channel, and Good Morning America.

Over 100 ladies have entered the Governing Bodies contest over on CollegeHumor.  The idea behind the contest is to get college girls to write the name of Obama or McCain on their bodies and take a picture.  The candidate with the most pictures wins.  Obama is in the lead by more than double.  It appears the only real rule to this contest is “no nudity” but as you can see, they get very close.  Whether it is tasteful or not is another story. It does have young people talking about who they are voting for and that is probably a good thing.

Hayden has a new video up on funnyordie.com where she sarcastically throws her support behind smoking cigarettes, not wearing a seatbelt and voting for John McCain. For those that are uninitiated, Funny or Die is the website that was started by a bunch of comedians, namely Will Farrel, where you can see famous people being creative and not acting like Hollywood tools. This video is funny if you are into that sort of thing. What makes it a must watch is: First, she says she “is hot enough” to get your attention for 30 seconds. And secondly, she drops the F-bomb three times! Enjoy!

Yes, it is a real and not photoshoped.  But this stop light does not direct traffic.  It is a piece of art from over in the UK that actually does function, but is purely for decoration.  The Traffic Light Tree was built by an artist named Pierre Vivant, and is meant to be a parody of the changing road layouts in London.